We Still Want To Go Home: Six Years of "Punisher"

Written by Claire Hookstra

Photo by Olof Grind

On June 18, 2020, one of the most emotionally haunting, heartfelt, and gut-wrenching albums in the indie rock sphere graced us all: Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers. The second record by Bridgers explores the fragility of life— the tenderness of growing older, the complexities of self-discovery, and the convolutions of relationships. Six years later, those teenagers who didn’t even give the day a chance and listened to “Savior Complex” at 7 a.m. on their drive to high school are still listening to “Garden Song” late at night on their birthday and “I Know The End” when the world feels too much to handle all at once. That youthful angst and sadness still live in us, and it seems to be proven that there is no other voice to soothe it besides that of Phoebe Bridgers. While it's inarguably sad, Bridgers’ music comes with a side of comfort that we just can’t let go.

From the first few notes of “DVD Menu,” listeners are transported into the melancholic, nostalgic sonic world of Punisher. The instrumental interlude leads into “Garden Song,” where the tender lyricism and relaxed production create the sound of a distant memory. The song exudes a sense of succumbing to growing older, realizing that both the good and bad dreams you had of the future are slowly becoming true. “Kyoto” changes pace instrumentally while keeping the familiarity of Bridger’s solemn words steady. Twinkling piano notes bring back the dream state of the record on the title track, “Punisher,” Bridgers’ ode to Elliott Smith. The first three tracks on the record show the unique situational lyricism Bridgers uses to set up her songs. “Someday I’m gonna live in your house up on the hill” (Garden Song), “Day off in Kyoto / Got bored at the temple” (Kyoto), “When the speed kicks in / I go to the store for nothing” (Punisher). All of these opening lines involve a location, a setting for the song, making the listener comprehend and truly live in the music.

“Baby, it’s Halloween / We can be anything,” she harmonizes in “Halloween,” reminiscing over a past, failed relationship. “I’ll be whatever you want,” she repeats throughout the end of the track, nearing a whisper. Both “Chinese Satellite” and “ICU”  have heavier production with electric guitar riffs and drum lines that pack an extra punch behind the already powerful lyrics. “Chinese Satellite” surrounds the idea of faith, especially the lack thereof. Bridgers sings “I want to believe / Instead I look at the sky, and I feel nothing / You know I hate to be alone / I want to be wrong.” Wanting to believe in a higher power but simply finding nothing, the track embodies an existential crisis. A similar feel, “ICU” is ultimately about a breakup, with Bridgers examining the relationship's codependency and the exhaustion of its end.

“Moon Song,” arguably a cult favorite for fans of Bridgers, details the emotional baggage of caring for someone who doesn’t reciprocate the love. Regardless of the disappointing outcomes, she continued to return to her partner, repeatedly helping them and letting them bring her down again and again. Despite it all, she confesses she’d do anything for her partner, singing “And if I could give you the moon / I would give you the moon.” “Savior Complex” was described as a “sequel to Moon Song" by Bridgers in an interview with Apple Music. She succeeded in dating someone who doesn’t care for themselves, only strengthening her savior complex.

Photo by Olof Grind

As the album nears its end, the simultaneously heartfelt and heartwrenching song “Graceland Too” navigates the tedious desire to help a friend struggling with addiction. It’s a prime example of the artist’s storytelling, explaining a series of events a close friend went through on a journey of self-help. Bridgers wants to support the person, being there whenever they need. "I will do anything you want me to / I will do anything for you," she croons. The final track, “I Know The End,” is, in my opinion, one of the best album finales of the past decade. It’s euphoric, it’s not quite a ballad, not quite an anthem, but something uniquely in between. The track steadily swells, chaotically listing a series of scenes from the end of the world: “... A haunted house / With a picket fence / To float around and ghost my friends / No, I’m not afraid to disappear / The billboard says “The End Is Near.” The song ends in a shattering scream and chaotic instrumental layers before silence creeps in, and her scream turns to a whisper.

It’s emotional turmoil, it’ll make you cry, and it’s nothing short of brilliant. Punisher continues to bring both comfort and tears to listeners even six years after its release. From the sonic entry to a liminal world where you can’t place whether it’s a dream or reality in “DVD Menu,” to breaking out of the cathartic state of mind while screaming along to “I Know The End,” the record from start to finish is a visceral work that unearths deep-rooted feelings and pains you may have forgotten you ever had. It may be an emotionally heavy listen, but at the same time, it relieves the heaviness of life through putting these complex thoughts and experiences into words.

Phoebe Bridgers’ solo career might have disappeared for years; however, after a series of “secret” pop-up shows across the country and a finale at MSG, the artist has announced her arena tour, which is making headlines for having a no-phone policy. While we still haven’t heard any news or rumors about new music, fans can only hope that we will soon wake up to that album happily awaiting us on our streaming services. Until then, we’ll keep listening to “the same three songs over and over.”